My Song Is Love

even better!



best

Need to get a book. Need to start bucking up for work (have been saying this since forever).

Mousehunt is progressing fine.






My videos took too long to upload but these will do. And this will probably show you why I love Coldplay so so much and was very thankful to be an their concert. Watch Yellow first. Sigh..if I had the money...


On The Side of Me - Corrinne May

I do not know if I should be happy or sad that I'm where I am now in religion. Whether it is true enlightenment or pure blasphemy. If it's peer pressure or self-opinion. Wrong or right. True or False. Blah blah blah...

I have come to the realization that my "religion" I have now is not much of a religion. On forms I write my religion as Christian. But my life is far from one.

I hardly go to Church.
I question quite a bit of the Bible.
I believe that being gay is fine. Heck, it's love. Why stop it?
I find that the whole religion of Christianity today is so, so tainted by the ambition of Man.
Things like this -->

are supposed to be right to me but I find it very wrong, and very insulting to certain groups.
I have quite a few negative opinions on practices in Christianity.

But despite all this, I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. More than anything in the world. I could walk out of the house and take a train to Iceland to become a street busker if that was what God told me to do. I would I would I would. And you're probably wondering, how could I say that when I seem so lacking in my faith? And I'd be stumped at the question. Because I find that the most paradoxical part of this is that though what I am is seemingly wrong, why am I not feeling anything from God? Telling me that this is wrong? And that I should change? Don't tell me that I don't need God to tell me before I know I'm wrong because I want the words to come from Him and Him alone. Even though that may be what is obstructing me I do not care.

Call and I will come.

And the shocking possibility that what I am may actually be fine in God's eyes comes into play. I do not want that to happen. But I do not know if that is the world at large telling me, or really me.

Wanna know what I think?

I think I'm fine. It is fine to question, it is fine to be different.

Then again, who'd diss what they stand for?

I am confused, yet compelled. So...so...so...what now?

Today we found out about our new classes.

Went down to Taka to collect the bag tag today. And had Tonkichi, which always makes one happy. And watched Confessions Of A Shopaholic which was quite a letdown I'm sorry.

I really do not want to believe that I still have insecurities regarding the matter inside me. But it's like the monkey on your back that you just cannot seem to get rid of no matter how many bananas you throw on the ground.

I am happy that I have gone back to the gym.

Hope for endeavor, as work is not going at the pace at which I would want it to. I don't want my holiday pay to be a measly....100bucks plus. Must finish Haji Article by tonight!

And there's actually a lot of other things I have to do too. Like...find a day to watch all the (damn) Ugly Betty eps I missed. To go down and deliver gifts. To send letters.

Can't find the imeem version so here's the YouTube one, which is a little hazy but it'll do. Even though I am still mad over Coldplay ( i have been searching for a lot of stuff online and here's your gift idea justin just get me anything Coldplay), I cannot deny that this is my favourite song currently. And I think it will be for quite some time. Now, if only it can be played on acoustic.



Climb the wall to make the sun rise in time.
But the night had already begun.
Climb the wall to make the sun rise in time.
But the night had already begun...

Now here I am, I am the one.
So hang high soft star.
Don't shine, before swine.

Not a lot of room to move, but where's my guide?
I tried looking up to you girls.
Please correct me, but didn't you let the work slide.
Capitalize on a novelty, cheap pink, spotlight.
Is it all right?

Choose the highest bidder was my answer
When they told me I was up for sale.
Schoolyard, Junior high style,
Bullies have always tried to buy the better girls.
But failed now, the cheque is in the mail.

Bubblegum bought Martini.
Is nothing like dépanneur red wine.
Travel through time.
Who were you after you were mine?

Choose the highest bidder was my answer
When they told me I was up for sale.
Schoolyard, junior high style,
Bullies have always tried to buy the better girls.
Haven’t they?

Choose the brightest future .
Mind the death .
And try to buy the better girls.
But failed 'till now
Cheque is in the mail.

So hang high,
Soft rock star.
Hang high,
Soft rock star.
Don't shine before swine.

Choose the highest bidder was my answer
When they told me I was up for sale.
Schoolyard, junior high style,
Bullies have always tried to buy the better girls.
Haven’t they?

Choose the highest bidder was my answer
When they told me I was up for sale.
Schoolyard, junior high style,
Bullies have always tried to buy the better girls.
But failed now, cheque is in the mail.

No denying that I'm still having Coldplay fever. If it weren't for the fact that I was in town, I would have continue singing "YOU THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE A GHOST! YOU THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE A GHOST! YOU DIDN'T GET TO HEAVEN BUT YOU MADE IT CLOSE! YOU DIDN'T GET TO HEAVEN BUT YOU MADE IT CLOSE!"

My only regret is not bringing cash with me. I would have definitely bought the Viva tote (gay much but i like) and the 42 shirt.

Oh well. Of to official Coldplay merch!




AHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS THE BEST EVER.

PEOPLE REALLY HAVE TOO MUCH TIME

(ok, i like the second one. fucking gay pidgey-quagsire thing but it looks like a fat, senile blue fairy. and that's funny)



My throat is very sore and I can hear myself "zhao xia-ing" in almost all the videos while singing along.

But I am very, very very very very satisfied now! Coldplay came down and they gave us a show, a real show.

My all time favourite band, Coldplay.

Magic.

Will show more when I upload stuff.

I am aimlessly flitting through the blogs on my favourites list. Without purpose, without any direction.

I think this holiday is one big fluke. I have done nothing significant to date. No gym, no significant amount of reporting done.

I don't know what I need to get me up and running. I hope Coldplay'll do something tonight, though the very thought of going there alone is already very scary. Sorry I'm so insercure.

SCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCARED

God! THE FEAR HAS TAKEN OVER! I realize that in a few hours time I will be watching Coldplay....ALONE ALONE. Heck, I bet you don't understand.

"Coldplay is your favourite band you know"
"Yeah...no one to go with me though"
"Are they your favourite band or not?"
"Yeah...no one to go with me though"
"Favourite band then go alone also can!"
"Heyyy...true! (shining lights sudden optimism saintly chorus) Who cares! As long as I love 'em!"
"So..."
"Yes! I shall go get my ticket now!"


"Coldplay's on tomorrow"
"Yeah! I know!"
"You're going alone"
"Oh.........yeah."
"..."
"SHIT SHIT SHIT HAO?"
"What how? You chose this?"
"I know! I know they're my favourite band! But but! The fear! The apprehension of going to a concert alone! Somemore Singapore Indoor Stadium!"
"..."
"ARGGGGH must go blog to vent!"



Ok, that made me feel a little better. Whooooooo...deep breaths. Inhale Exhale. It's just a concert, nothing to be afraid of. This is just a small matter, you're making mountains out of ant-holes.

Yeah, ok. I'm better.

"And I haven't dreamt since I quit sleeping,
And I haven't slept, since I met you."

I AM FAT

Today, we, being Aunt, Cousin, Zihui and I, decided to have an Eat Day.

We started the day being very lazy. We woke up at 11.30 am and took our own sweet time to prepare. Finally trudged to the car at about 1. Drove to Dempsey and had brunch at Jone's the Grocer (i think that's the name? right?).

We then decided, "Heck, we're not full. Let's go for Fish and Chips at Botanical Gardens". So we adjourned there. But but but, to make ourselves feel better, we took a short walk first. 45 minuntes after we left Jone's, we sat down at some cafe at the entrance of Botanical Gardens and had Fish and Chips.

Then we said, "Let's stop at Adam Road to grab dinner". So we did. Nasi Lemak it was. Back to Aunt's place and half an hour after our Fish and Chips escapade at the Botanical Gardens, we had our dinner.

All this was done while wearing my new berms, which are really a little too fitting.

I don't know if that's the cutting of the berms at fault or just me trying to console myself.

I mentioned a few days ago that I was a master of Zen. Nonsense, my mum's the real master of Zen.

"The early bird catches the worm"
"Yes, but the late worm, survives"


:O DEEP

Had officially the WORST round of mahjong in my entire professional mahjong career. This will definitely keep me off mahjong for quite a while now. Heck! Even wearing my hoodie (with the hood on) failed! I know, I have weird lucky charms.

After much sulking and procrastination, I decided to head out for breakfast at the un-earthly hour of 5.30 to eat...what else? Macdonalds. Gosh I am sick of that...

Tomorrow is the Sandwich Bonanza. I cross my fingers that SOMEHOW we will have a good picnic in my backyard (whether dad is home or not), that it will not rain and that we will be able to actually get the kites to fly.

Please reply me and please come Joan, cause we bought enough food to last a trip to the moon and back.

Aiyah, ok, I know I'm not exactly the perfect son. And my seasons come and go in extremes. And that my grades ain't that good. Coupled with achievements in life which are nothing more than average.

But, I swear sometimes I deserve the title Grand Master of Zen for managing to keep my cool.

Okok, granted sometimes I am the protaganist in the situation. But still!

I anticipate more Zen-ism(?) and swathing wrath when the papers arrive in the porch tomorrow morning. Is 80dollars worth it?

And then I lose at DOTA. SADMUCHIEZX.

bam shika bam shika boom boom boom shi la shi la boom.

Am in a good-ish mood right now after the 4-0 win. Who knew 22 guys and a ball could make a man so happy? Be my guest Justin.

Addicted to Monster Hospital by Metric now. Cannot get enough of the starting. "I fought the war but the war won!"

Sat down today and decided that if MMB (guess people guess!) are to do what we planned this holiday then we better amp up our...erm...erm...progress?

Things to do --> Kites, Naan, Make educational dating video, Come up with gay movie script. And if all goes well, come up with script for Melvin and Oscar. OH OH and turn gay and straight for a day.

Nyyyeahhhhhehhhh?

Ok, until both M(s) are online simultaneously, I cannot make any progress. So what should I do!

I will be pathetic and play the pathetic game that is DOTA.

Gotta be out of the house and at Kovan in 15 minutes time and here I am blogging.

I think my Christian Irritation Syndrome is returning. It was gone for a while but now it's returning, because of some tag war on a friend's blog. I know I've never really been the perfect Christian, in the Biblical sense and NOT in the worldly sense ('cause really that's one reason I have this syndrome).

And like, I used to have this period of time when I would question many things in the Bible. Like how it is written that God plans our life, knows our every step from the day we were conceived, and only wants the good for us. If that is so, then how come there are still murderers? I've heard answers like, "God wants us to learn through this processes" or "God gave us free will to choose who we want to be even if he wants the best". Ok, so the latter sounds fair but the thing was, that I don't get how if God only wants good for us, and that He knows every step, that He'd put something "bad" like murder in one's life. But that phase is over (i guess?). I have many many more questions, but, let go and let God is what I'm trying to achieve.

And then there's the world. And how it's just....corrupted Christianity in my view. The churches of old spread the Word, and now, look what it's become. So many different factions, so many people arguing that their practices, their preached values are the right thing, and yet all serving a common God. Why can't there just be one Christianity? One that follows the values, the teachings that come with the Bible. Which was what it was created for in the first place! To be a light to all Christians, something to look to for guidance and something to follow!

And the world, urgh, the world. People kill in the name of religion, join religion because of superficial reasons or take it for granted. I know, that I am supposed to be more tolerant to these things, as the world is in-perfect, and will always be. But it is hard.

I feel very torn. On one side, I really love God, yet on the other, all my doubts/questions about the word, and my apprehension to modern day Chrisitianity, all make me feel like I'm Anti-Christ. I am very, very torn.

ARSENAL ARE THROUGH! OH MY GOSH THE LAST TIME I WAS SO SCARED WAS DURING O RESULTS.

WOW. I CANNOT SLEEP.


and and and, it's because you're actually a good person at heart. and that just proves my theory right.

I want to go into NTU's MassCom too.

Come 18, will drinking and clubbing be what it's so portrayed to be?

Or will writing and the guitar prove a better escape?

I will start sending letters to you soon. How you'll respond I don't know, I just do what've been doing all this while, and go forward in faith.

I have a new favorite song. It is quite, quite sad. But anyway...You Found Me - The Fray

"Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me"

Yesterday was good.

We set out pretty early, at about 8, and stopped by GuGu's place before heading to Mandai. There we collected the ashes and remains, amidst a little temper between the staff and family. Off to Keppel Bay it was then, for the sea burial.

Stopping at Kusu Island, the burial was performed, and we headed home. I, on my first sail boat ride in my life, was sun burnt.

Lunch was at the Marina's restaurant (LET'S GO THERE FOR OUR NEXT EXPENSIVE MEAL) and it was good, to see everyone happy and mingling.

And so starting today, life goes back to normal. Sure, it'll take some getting to. But I swear we're almost there and I'm really glad how everything is unfolding, and how we stick together.

What have I been up to?

Well, the wake's almost come to a close. As we left GuGu's place just now, two things stuck to me.

First, was the dinner we had. Very simple, just porridge with eggs. But almost the whole family was there (less Granparents who were at home), and for that I'm real glad. Like we know no matter what, we have one another. And it helps that I like porridge with eggs. Second was when we left GuGu's place, and her gate closed for the first time in a week. Like one chapter closes and a new one beckons. What I want the family to see. This week made us stronger, made us closer, and made us know how much we care for one another.

Haven't been getting on with work much though. Must start asap! But I want Mahjong, I want Kites, I want Naan, I want Beer and I want many other things.

I've in a letter writing craze! Writing letters to many, many people now! Always thought post was more sincere though. Tell me if you want me to write you one!

I'm waiting for melvin to come online so I can ask him to torrent music for me. Meanwhile, I will listen to Alk3 which I have began to like (a lot) again. Now it's Blue In The Face, though Dethbed and Burn have been my best friends for the past few days.

I have to shower now.

Fleeting though : Whooooo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~

Mel: Give the deprived boy a hug.
Bry: Melvin...
Mel: Fuck you!
Mel: Hey! No one fucks anyone! Ok!

Haha, this is what I miss about school.

Tis' not really a good time to blog. All is solemn in the family now, but for the sake of keeping a blog alive.

I've got a new dog. Have I mentioned it before? I think I did...
I want a chinchilla when I grow up. It'll be called Eight.
I got my threadless shirt. Hap'.
Everyone in the family know thinks I have a girlfriend *note their smiles as they walk by when I'm on the phone*. Awwww yeah.

Other than that, all is silent on the front. We're hoping this season blows over and a new one begins. Worried for Gugu, but more worried for Cousin, who seems to not be feeling any grief but I know she is. Her eyes tell me so.

I will talk to her on Saturday night.

Meanwhile, pray for my aunt's family and Uncle! And I leave you with what I hope will hold true in this trying time for the family,

Every end brings new beginning.

Tears stream, down your face.
When you loose something,
You cannot replace.
Tears stream, down your face.
And mine.

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still - Exodus 14:14




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