My Song Is Love

I guess its escapism for you guys out there. Don't you get it! It's not so simple being a manager! It's not like, "Oh I think that's a good player, let's get him"! Like any community, there are issues behind the scenes that we, the people on the outside, do not know of. Take that into consideration before you diss the man who brought us from mediocrity to where we are now. It was his hard work that caused all of you guys to have such high expectations of the team and now that we're going through a rough patch, you turn around and bite him? How many of you would even be supporting the club if it were not for where he brought us to! Call yourself true fans. True fans stick through thick and thin with their team. There are big teams who have gone much worse than us (Junventus got relegated but their fans stuck with them and whoop-de-do their on the rise now)! THINK about the underlying matters before you give your piddy comment next time.

Today, I am the suck. One and a half bottles of Hoegarrden and I've been having a headache since 6 hours ago. FML.

Blogger's finally letting me post stuff. Here's what's been going on thus far in the winding roads of my life.

- Got into the Wuhan trip. Am trying to remain optimistic about this one.
- Have not gymed in 3 weeks and counting because of the traditionally insane sem-end workload.
- WebD, taking over my life
- INE, worrying me as I do not know how things'll turn out.


Personally, I think the gym's what bothering me the most. Urgh. Glad to see that WebD is all coming together nicely though.





You know, you guys should learn to let him go. I mean, 15 minutes for a project meeting outside of home? Seriously. Then what happens when he goes into tertiary education? Stayover meetings? Believe me, they are not unusual. He's Secondary 3, he's turning 15 this September. Give him a little credit. He may be the "youngest" in your minds, but that doesn't mean he is in fact. Time to let him experience the world for himself. I wouldn't blame him if he had to fight for his freedom you know? Because that's what I did and I don't regret it. You guys are great parents, but you need to learn to lax. Your kids'll grow up, and they'll start seem more distant, but such is the growing up process and I guess, to put it bluntly, you have to accept it. You can't just expect him to "boom!" go out into the world on his own ONLY at 21 and survive right? It's a learning curve. It can get harsh, but it's one that he must undertake. You'll probably just diss my opinion, seeing how you guys are still sore about the way that I got my freedom. But hey, look at it from our point of view. Cast aside the veil that your love for him has created around your eyes and see that someday, we all grow up and blow away. Getting angry over that won't work because freedom is a basic human right, and it is instinct for one to fight for the amount of it he or she deems fair. If you don't let go, you'll just end up hurting everyone, including yourselves. Have a little more faith in your kids.




Best Coldplay song ever.



For some reason this picture kracks me up.

I am turning this blogger, bit by bit, into a Tumblr. So much for non-conformity. HAH.

Variety and fun, I need you guys in my life soon.

I also need to start on Newswriting soon, if I am ever to see my dreams of SPH come thru.



(ignore Calgo the fact is I like this picture)

I'm reading this book now, which revolves around 3 central characters. One of them has an inferiority complex after living in the shadow of her sister's horribly beautiful looks. One of them is aesthetically perfect, beautiful in every possible physical way, but has a sex addiction. The last one, was fine to begin with, but deteriorated, into a monstrosity, after her insecurity that she may never find love began to consume her.

Somehow, and I say this with a tinge of remorse, I feel that I am like the Third.

I find myself, constantly wondering why, through my 18 years of existence, have I not been able to find love despite me trying, imo, very hard. It is the reason why I gym, it is the reason why I try to perfect, using society's standard as a guide, myself. To you, you think this is superficial. So fake. Like I'm trying to be someone I am not just because I want to find another significant half. That's what the people in the book say of the Third girl as well. But I can identify with her (of course I have not stooped to her level and don't intend to lah). You don't know what it's like, to try hard and be let down in love. Especially when it means so much to you. So you do know what its like? And you're fine with it? Well, I'm not. Perhaps it's my ego/insecurity/whatever, but I hate it. That's why I try to improve myself, because some time back there, my belief in myself left me.

I make my life sound so depressing. When in truth, it is not. Don't get me wrong, there are many things in my life that I really appreciate. Just this "love" thing. It's eating me up. Damn if I didn't believe so much in love.

"Hi, you talk to the walls, I sing to them. We should meet."


FAIL

Was looking through some Facebook photos, and realized how fucked I would find life if I didn't get to intern at SPH next year, or work there when I grow up.

I don't really have a passion for going out, poking people and asking them questions but I love to write and I guess that's something I get to do, in a way I like most, at SPH.

I don't believe I am saying this but...I actually miss SPH.

WANT TO GO BACK. WANT TO PROVE THAT I CAN MAKE IT. WANT TO CHANGE SERENE'S IMPRESSION OF ME. WANT TO WIN.



Such has been life. Going to Chomp Chomp for supper has since become somewhat of a nightly affair for me in the past few days. It must be the stress.

I am supposed to be eating Relish later, but them plans seem to have disintegrated like what is fast happening, as I type, to my arms/chest/abs.

Went out this morning to eat Bar Chor Mee and Butterflies (should be an album title). Nomz.

Am supposed also, to be doing photoshoot later. But I am so frigging lazy, I just want to stay at home and finish newswriting transcript while feasting on the multitudes of Butterflies I da-pao-ed home from this morning.

The sole purpose of this post is to make myself wake up and realize how urgently I need to visit the gym. Lest I turn into a gurgling blubber-blob.



My frustration at my own procrastination and the constant ticking of the clock till 5pm is driving me to new heights of insanity.

And, as one can see from the growing number of flab layers at my neck, that the 2 weeks of not gyming is taking a toll on me. Both on my physique and on my psyche.

Go wiki Bigorexia.



Everyone over at Tumblr has such awesome pics, but I can't seem to find any that depict perfectly the situations I am going through. Thus, I have decided to make my OWN photos from now on. Non-Conformist or what siol (wears coon-skin hat, large shades, neon singlet and forces myself to love ALL Broken Social Scene songs)


Everyone also tells me that my situation now should have been anticipated by me, and that I shouldn't have been such a dunce or that I am too un-perceptive. It's just so....disappointing! I mean...I thought...the world was a better place and that you were one of the few who could prove that to me. I guess not. Yeah its you. YAH YOU. You reading this. You are the person I am disappointed in. Now quick, go tell the world at large.




Achievement of the day. I swear I will gym tomorrow even if it keels me. NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK! (what with new protein and all now) sigh... :( kinda disappointed in myself.



HI SAM. holidays you can come over and play with her.



J'ai Guru Deva Om
Nothing's gonna change my world ~ ~

Retards




Alamak. Damn sad this song.

I LOOKED AROUND, LOOK AROUND. AND SAW HOW HAPPY EVERYONE WAS, WITH THEIR PARTNERS AND ALL. AND I REMEMBERED, REMEMBERED, HOW I LET YOU GO, AFTER FIGHTING IN APPARENT VAIN, FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE....

AN ETERNITY.





LIFE IS DEPRESSING. MUST GET OUT OF THIS FUNK. but then again, that's like saying, "let's just throw sand over this. sure it'll still exist, but at least you won't have to see it again till the Winds of Change come and blow the sand away".

Which is in a word....denial.

I went out to scout for stuff today and was pretty pleased actually with the prices of stuff I want. Will break out the mother soon.

Am I really living in denial? Is this what an outsider will see? Are there no other ways to solve it? I always thought...it seemed normal.

Quote of the ____: "my brightest stars, in the darkest nights"

Just came back from soccer. We almost got into a fight back there with, of all people, a bunch of Catholics. Sense the irony?

Anyway, when things started to boil over, I felt weirdly confident that we'd be able to take them. Or rather, I'd be able to take one of them and fling them. Whether it's because gym is making me cocky, or because my ego has grew, I felt uncomfortable. Since when did I become so itching to fight or so cock-sure about myself?

I wonder if it's a good thing. Or like what I'm feeling now, a really really bad thing. I hate change when its for the worse.

I feel like I'm in a bit of a funk right now. With friends mostly. Don't know what is the problem, but there just seems to be this "thing" in between.

And my procrastination, is just getting worse. I need a planner so I won't keep forgetting what I have planned for the week, but I don't even have the discipline to use one.

Don't talk about Spain, all I want now is for school to end, and for me to be able to sit at the back of the house, eating Laksa, and sipping Pokka Ice Tea.

Tried uploading pictures of the album but failed. Whatever.

Very appreciative that Dad went to get the 2 albums for me from San Fran. And the new protein formula too. Thank juuu.

On a sidenote, my sleeping habits are fucked. I slept at 10pm last night, woke up at 11 today. THEN at 3pm, without knowing how it happened (and i mean it, it's like this blank spot in my memory) I fell asleep again. And woke up only at 4.30. I don't remember going to lie on the bed. I don't remember closing my eyes to sleep. The last thing I remember is sitting at my Mac.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME.

Sort of in a rut right now. Damn.

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still - Exodus 14:14




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